Baby Steps

Today I brought my son to his new elementary school for the first time. I hadn’t thought much of it, but as I watched him walk down the hall with his future kindergarten teacher, it hit me. When did we get here? You were just my baby and 5 years flew by in a blink.

As I sat with all the other anxious mommies, I felt wave of concern come over me. How can I leave him to go to St Louis? His sisters are too young to have questions. He’s not. How will I explain where his Daddy and I are going and why things are going to be different when we get back?

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I play out the conversation in my head…

“Hey Cole man, Mommy and Daddy have to leave for a week or so. Mommy’s having a selective dorsal rhizotomy. See you soon!”

What am I thinking? Selective dorsal rizotomy? Say that five times fast. I barely know how to pronounce it let alone have my little boy comprehend it.

And, I don’t think SDR is going to cut it either. I have told him that Mommy has CP about 3,857 times. Ask him and he will tell you that his Mommy has BP, QT, IC….you name it. That one’s just not sinking in.

I realize then that he can’t remember that I have CP because he’s 5. I don’t know if it’s more so that he doesn’t understand or that he doesn’t care but either way, that’s not on his radar. I’m just “Mommy”. Simple as that.

I don’t really know how this will all play out. I know that I don’t need to rush into any technical conversations and bombard him with information that he doesn’t understand. Together, we can take baby steps and talk it though. Knowing my son, he’ll do most of the talking.

He may not know I have CP, and he probably won’t remember SDR or what that means. But I am sure that one day he’ll know all about who I am as his mother and all the acronyms that piece together a big part of my being. Before long he’ll realize that I would go to the ends of the earth or St. Louis, Missouri to give him and his sisters the very best mother I can be.